If he's 45 and never had a long-term relationship, you have to ask yourself why. Does he have a few serious, long-term relationships under his belt? If he was the victim of an acrimonious split, has he done some therapy or work on himself to deal with the fallout? Or is he still carrying all that hurt and anger around?ģ. Strong relationships with siblings who are in healthy relationships can have the same effect ditto very close friends.Ī red flag are men whose parents divorce was nasty and bitter, forcing the children to choose and leaving them traumatised and wary of intimacy. He's seen how long-term relationships work, that there's give and take and mistakes made that are forgiven.ĭon't write him off, obviously, if his parents are divorced. I feel unfair including this, given a hell of a lot of us are the offspring of divorced parents (including me) and it's hardly our fault.īut the saying is true: They really do f*** you up, your Mum and Dad.Ī man who comes from a stable background with Mum and Dad still married and enjoying life together has been given a blueprint. The man who checks with his mother before making all decisions, is at her beck and call and has a pretty obvious adoration/pathological hatred thing going on, is to be avoided at all costs.ĭon't be lulled into a false sense of security if she lives far away: the most dependent children in the world often live the other side of the world from their parents. If he hasn't cut the apron springs, move right along. She was the first woman in his life and how he relates to her sets the benchmark for you.
Tracey says that some obvious characteristics that he should possess is being able to laugh at himself and have a kind and considerate nature (I've addressed the questions to straight women but it works equally well for any gender and sexual orientation.)
There will be and are always exceptions, so trust your gut instincts.īut if you want to avoid time-wasters and relationships that end in disaster or tears, doing this simple test each time you meet someone you think has potential makes sense. Sure, some of the things on the list aren't the person's fault (his family, for instance) but they still influence your chance of a bright future. Why shouldn't you take an objective look at someone you want by your side for the rest of your life? Would you employ a PA who couldn't use a computer? Hire a nurse who didn't know how to change a bandage? Looking objectively at qualities you want from a potential life partner isn't taking the romance out of it, it's making sure you choose someone who is going to make you happy not miserable. This simple test will help you predict your chance of long-term success with any person you think might be worth taking seriously. Was your New Year's resolution to stop pursuing relationships that go absolutely nowhere and find one that lasts and makes you happy?
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